Reflections of Connections
by nightxinxthextwlight
Summary: Oneshot. Leia reflects on her connection and relationship  with Luke, what happened during the trilogy, and how she felt for both Luke and Han. Includes mentions of unknowing incest. Rated T just to be safe.


**Title: Reflections of Connections.**

**Pairing: Luke/Leia, Han/Leia.**

**Point of View: Leia.**

**Rating: T, though it could probably pass as a K+.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, I do not own these characters, and I do not own the events. This follows the original trilogy, with some romantic add-ons and character realizations of my own. Overall, this is property of Lucasfilm...unfortunately, I'd love to have Luke Skywalker as my own.**

Reflections of Connections

I never knew what to think of the entire situation.

He loved me. Everyone knew that.

But I couldn't love him back in the same way.

For the first little while, maybe I did love him back. I was young, the youngest member of the Imperial Senate since Queen Padme Amidala long before me. Sometimes, I aspired to be as great as she was, though even I had heard the rumours of how she was left by her love. I didn't want to be that way, so I tried never to love - at least in a romantic way. Every time I met someone who I thought I could be close to, I strived for a strong friendly relationship, possibly in a brother/sister manner. It never seemed to work though, I never got close enough to anyone for that sort of relationship, let alone a romantic relationship at all.

Wouldn't it be irony that the person to change that would be my brother?

Of course, I had no clue that he was my brother at the time. He had come in and introduced himself, "I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm here to rescue you!" and I barely had time to think much about him at the time. When we were finally out of danger, momentarily before we noticed the creature in the garbage shoot and the walls began to close in on us, I gave him some thought. There was more to him that I had yet to know, and wanted find out. I hadn't felt like that for another person before, and figured that perhaps it was the love which I was frightened of for so long. It didn't take a genius to realize what he felt for me, he radiated of it, whether he knew that or not.

I decided to take the plunge.

I slept with my brother.

We began a relationship. I don't know how it came up, but not long after the victory of Yavin, we began to talk. He confessed to me his true feelings, and I confessed to him that I had never felt before for another man what I felt for him. We were young, still only nineteen years old, and took that leap into a relationship. We had slept together multiple times, and each time was fairly satisfying, though afterwards I always felt like something was wrong. Perhaps it was just cold feet about this entire idea of love, or perhaps I was just paranoid, but I didn't feel too right about it. I was, of course, afraid to tell Luke that. He would have been devastated.

That's when Han came along.

Luke could tell that something was growing between Han and I. He was the one person I could always argue with, and it seemed to everyone that we never got along. But you know what they say, there's a thin line between love and hate. I realized my feelings growing for him, so I tried to slow down the relationship between Luke and I, so that I could let him down easy. I didn't want to be the one to break his heart, especially after fearing a broken heart myself for so long. Regardless, it did break his heart, but he shrugged it off and told me that he knew it was coming. I didn't want to go after Han though, not when I was unsure of how he felt anyway. Eventually, he showed me that he felt the same way, and we were suddenly this amazing pair.

Luke was devastated.

He never showed it, but somehow, I could tell.

I could never understand at the time how I was so connected to Luke. After he was injured on Bespin, he somehow contacted me through his mind. Part of me became conflicted, that perhaps I did love him after all, and it was a love so strong that we could even communicate silently. I was nearly terrified with worry when I saw him, in so much pain, without his right hand, and when he was asleep, I couldn't help but kiss him to see if maybe we still had that spark. We didn't, but I was still left wondering about the connection between us. I was thrilled when he was given a bionic hand, looking so similar to his old one, with feeling and everything. It was as if he had never been injured, though something about that battle had been eating away at him.

We slept together again.

It wasn't something we had planned on, nor was it something we continued afterwards. I felt that it was wrong of me, and Luke felt that he was betraying his best friend, regardless of his feelings. He had just been in such an emotional state, and it happened before either of us could realize what was going on. Of course, this was after he had trained a little more as a Jedi, and constructed his own lightsaber. We were preparing to rescue Han in his carbonated form from Jabba the Hutt, and Luke's emotions got the better of him, so the only way I found to calm him down about everything was to console him, to hold him, and it just spun out of control. My initial plan was not to mention it to Han, never could I tell the man I loved that I had been with someone else.

Then he told me the truth of our relationship.

Not at the time did it occur to me to ask how long he had known. Nobody would sleep with their sister, would they? Not rightfully, anyway. When he told me, he mentioned that Darth Vader was our father. It frightened me that there would be such evil in my bloodline, but I realized that there must be some evil in Luke and I in order to have us act so intimate. I hadn't thought about it instantly that neither of us would have known, that it was in no way evil if we had no knowledge of our true relationship, but I figured that I had always known about us. Not consciously, but I knew there was some sort of connection between us that couldn't be love. I did love him, certainly, but not romantically. Not the way I loved Han. I was afraid to tell Han of the news, though.

Especially when I discovered that I was pregnant.

Han wasn't the father.

The baby was created of something so wrong, I couldn't handle my thoughts at the time. Of course, after thinking on it, I knew that it wasn't as wrong as I had made it out to be, especially when we were left in the dark at the time. Though because I had loved Han, it was still considered wrong. I discovered the growing child when we were on Endor, celebrating after Luke and our father had their final confrontation. There was something bothering me, somewhere in my mind, and I had no idea what to think of it. The memory came back to me that Luke had said I had the Force within me as well, and I knew instantly that it was the basis of the connection between he and I, as well as the connection between the unborn baby and I.

Eventually I had to tell him.

He didn't take it quite so badly as I predicted.

Han was still hurt, though.

I couldn't undo what I had done. He knew of the relationship between Luke and I, and he knew of what we had created before the knowledge came about. Han was disappointed, but still happy that he would have the chance to care for a child. Regardless, he was not the father. Luke was the father, but I never had to tell Luke, because somehow, he knew. He may have known before I did, though he never mentioned it to me until he was positive that I was aware. Our family was incredibly messed up, our father having become a Sith lord and attempting to murder his children, after apparently having murdered our mother, and then twin brother and sister sleeping together. It didn't matter though, how messed up were were. There was unconditional love between us all. I hadn't realized until after the baby was born how incredible and strange our family really was. Luke told me that he discovered who our mother must have been, through researching our father's history.

My hero, Padme Amidala. Padme Skywalker.


End file.
